Title - A Reward

Title - A Reward

Yes, you read it right. The blog title is "Title - A Reward".

I am writing this blog, on request of a very good friend. 

Recently, my daughter Akshara earned titles/labels of "Active and Responsible Student". The moment she came back home, she excitedly asked me what the titles meant. I explained the meaning and she was thrilled to get a title from her KG Teacher. She hugged me with joy.

At that moment, I realized how important these titles are, in shaping our life. It also reminded me of my childhood experience, a lesson of a lifetime.

In a child's psychology, TITLE plays an important role. When children are given a 'Positive title' it inspires them to work on their skills and potentials and create their destiny. Their world consists of parents, guardians, teachers and friends. All these people are like their mirror, in which they see themselves. They are confident about understanding themselves and to take on the mystery of tomorrow.  But a "negative title" works the other way.

I too have earned many good and bad titles. Some of these titles were not meant to be consciously said/ given by anyone. But, there's one incident, I particularly remember, because it played a very significant role in my life. It is through that one experience I realize how I can help myself to be a better parent for my child.

I was just seven years old, and was very playful and active. At that time, I had no sibling. As both of my parents were working, after school, I went to a crèche'. I don't remember why, I did not like crèche' much, so the school was like my second home. I was good at curriculum, and I generally scored between 70% and 80% in terminal tests and exams. 

One day during second grade, I was busy talking to a fellow bencher. The teacher, who also happens to be my favorite teacher, came to my bench and in a very casual and jovial way told me that ‘I was very talkative’. I looked up and saw my teacher smiling at me. I was thrilled to hear this because I thought she was praising me!

So after final exams, we had two months holidays before the new curriculum began. During that time, I casually asked my mom, what "talkative" means. And her answer shocked me. She told me, that children who talk a lot, and don't pay attention in the class are called "Talkative"!

Those words penetrated deep into my spirit in a hurtful and crushing kind of way. I felt embarrassed to be told this in front of everyone. I realized how inattentive I must have been, and instantaneously, the child in me took a decision "to earn the quietest title" from the next curriculum. I reminded myself again and again, that instead of talking and making friends, I should keep quiet and pay attention to what was taught in class.

As suppression grew stronger, I lost my distinction status. I lost interest in studies, still embarrassed on the titles I achieved from former teachers. And slowly, my creativity was censored. Comparing myself with my peers, I lost the confidence to showcase my abilities. I limited myself to a maximum of one or two friends in class. I also stopped participating in group activities.

I did not realize why, after all the skills and abilities, I was still an average in academics and socially. I had probably forgotten how it all started. It was only in my teens, while attending a spiritual course, the Divine made me remember this particular incident. I realized how a "childhood decision" I took then, had such an impact on me. With Divine Grace, and intense prayers and experience, I got a second chance to come out of my old unwanted decisions and I re-titled as a good and happy person. And the decision started clearing out from my system.

Today I am proud of the titles my daughter has earned and from my past experience, I realize and am able to motivate her in the right direction. After all, “Life is all about Learning, Unlearning and Re- Learning.”

The lesson I learned of Love

I dedicate this article to my parents, who have been the greatest support and my backbone till day.

The lesson I learned of Love

Even in the 21st Century the word love is always a point of discussion or argument, whether and what it is, that is love and what is is, that is not love! When I Google the word 'Love', I come across so many good articles, nicely written by psychologists, relationship advisers, life coaches, spiritual gurus and many. Yet, according to me reading and acquiring knowledge, doesn't help much. Initially, you get a feeling, yes, this is exactly I am going through and what I needed to know about my life, but that piece of article or words heard, does not stay with you for more than few hours. Like many other ideas, knowledge, this too, gets filtered out and you reach the same stage, from where you started! All this is because, you have no first hand experience about LOVE. Because the truth is, Love is that what you have experienced and discovered on your own.

Today noon, during a discussion with my husband, I happened to remember few events from the past; the moments, where I actually discovered love in the most natural circumstances. My parents, especially my mother has been an active participant, as well a witness of the events and a wonderful mentor to help. She showed me the way, but allowed, me to walk by and discover it on my own.

I was eight years old, when my little sister arrived into our family. I felt warm and good to have a company at home, with whom I can have my secret fun, role play games, sing to, dance along, bike around, even walk to the nearest store and sometimes, I had the privilege to set norms and rules in our friendship wherein she does not enter into my personal premises. But then as all siblings grow, we too grew up, and we begin to have more fights. The reasons to have fights were silly, but the words that were blurted out to each other were not pleasing to ears. My mom, if and when overheard such arguments, tried to be a referee, and helped us to calm down. She would ask us to hit into different rooms. Yet, the fights did not ended. Years passed by, though Shruthi (my sister)  and I tried to avoid unhealthy arguments, yet like we had no choice, we kept fighting. But then when my mother kept her foot down and stopped being a referee, we were left with little or no choice to settle the matters between each other. My mother would not intervene, unless we needed some timely advises. Initially, we both did not know how to calm down ourselves and stop the rage/anger that aroused under such a challenging environment. But then, after each fight, we had occurrences, where we would listen to each other. All it was needed is to let go the EGO or the righteousness. It did not matter who was right, and how much was it right, but it was important, to understand the other person's point of view. We slowly developed to listen (not hearing, but true listening) with empathy.  It was beautiful, the experience was new, and the best part was it was each time new! We slowly learnt more and more about each other, when we were listening. We both began to discover something new about each, in each other. And we began to initiate more and more activities that we both would like to do together, that will keep us more closer and tighter. We realized, that masking or hiding behind the truth led to nowhere. It was simple to be an open chapter, ready to read through each other. Our fights reduced and stopped. There is no record of date when it happened, because it became clear that the fights are never going to stay in our memory.

I and my sister discovered love about each other, in each other and for each other. It was not taught to us by our parents or even friends. It was not cultivated by the society, or by ideas that "sisters are supposed to love each other, under any or all circumstances". I call these ideals as cultivated virtues, and these cultivated virtues really does not help in bonding. A society cannot grow, because of these ideals. A society will grow only in complete freedom. This is not the external freedom, but the internal one. Love can only be discovered by allowing oneself and the other to be just normal. Thus, Love is Personal.

Here, I would also like to add another point, it is the environment that was created and set for us to learn this lesson. It was only there, because of our parents trust on us. They showed trust on us, and allowed me and my sister to learn our lessons. They, like God, just watched from above, blessed us, fully conscious, fully in trust, that we shall never say or do anything that is Not Love!

This is the biggest gift my parents have given me, my sister and I pray that each one in this world, in coming days discover what LOVE IS!